When was the last time you took time out to intentionally strengthen your marriage relationship? 
Cars undergo MOT annually to ensure they keep running properly. Here in this blog, we offer you some ideas to inject into your relationship. This is not exhaustive, more to follow. 

Remember, sometimes, a single word or phrase can change your life. 

Now, you may find some or all of the points below useful. You may also need to adapt them to your relationships. If you require further support, please contact us.

1. AFFIRM ONE ANOTHER  

• Emotions and wounds can cloud or skew our thinking, and reduce our objectivity, leading us to have bias opinions about our partners. Emotions and wounds can make you not to acknowledge good things about your partner.
• It is essential to affirm objectively, avoiding bias opinions arising from emotions and subjective thinking.
• Write down some of the good qualities of your partner, or ask people around you if you are struggling. And irrespective of how you feel, let your partner know you are not blind to those qualities.
  

2. AVOID BEING DEFENSIVE, CULTIVATE SAFE ENVIRONMENT FOR DIALOGUE 

• Communication is lifeblood of relationships. It is important to create and cultivate a safe environment for communication and dialogue in your house.
• One thing that hinders communication and dialogue is defensiveness. Defensiveness increases arguments.
• We become defensive for various reasons – good and bad. Sometimes it is because we don’t want to be misunderstood. However, it can hinder communication.
• Check what makes you defensive. Not defending yourself during a conversation does not degrade you. It gives you opportunity to reflect and then respond or clarify things with your partner.
  

3. DEVELOP THE ABILITY TO LISTEN 

• A common issue and complain in marriage is about listening.
• Listening is not natural for most of us even though we feel as if we are listening, and it can be frustrating.
• Listening is an important asset in a marriage as it often resolves a conflict with ease. Listening needs to be deliberately developed and done intentionally until it becomes a habit.
• So, anytime time your partner needs your attention or reacts to you emotionally, remain calm, remove distraction, stop multitasking and pay attention with your eyes, ears and mental faculties.
  

4. BE HONEST AND TRANSPARENT

• Honesty is essential in every relationship. You cannot build anything that will last on lies and deception.
• Thomas Jefferson says “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.”
• A relationship built on deceit is easily destroyed.
• Honesty means being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere. It is not just unloading your mind unto someone. It is also about loyalty to the person.
• So, have a regular time that you catch up. Spend time to prepare for the time. Work through what you need to tell your partner and a nice way to do it.  
  

5. WATCH YOUR WORDS  

• Words have a great impact on our lives. Words can cut and wound the inner parts of people sharper and deeper than knives.
• Words make or break relationships.
• A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1 NLT
• You can take the heat out of any situation with your words. You can escalate situations with your words.
• If you use wrong words carelessly in your conversations, they can ruin your marriage life or any relationship. However, if you use the right words on the right occasion, it can save your relationship.
• So, instead of taunting words, use soothing words that create engagement in conversations. Try to engage your partner instead of enraging him or her.
• Avoid using irritating words. In hot conversation, it doesn't seem easy. However, if you try and do so, you are a wise person and a winner.

6. MOVE AWAY FROM OVERHEATING CONVERSATIONS 

• Prevention is better than cure. So, if you feel that a conflict or an argument is going overboard, immediately come out of it and go somewhere else.
• You can go outside for a walk or to meet someone that you feel close to you. It gives time for both of you to rethink the conversation. 
  

7. HAVE FUN AND LOADS OF LAUGHTER TOGETHER  

• Every house has arguments and fights. However, every house should have more fun and laughter than fights.
• So, find ways that create fun and laugh. It is very crucial for a healthy relationship.
• Sometimes couples are so focus on achieving certain objectives that they forget to have fun and moments of laughter.
• Go out to fun places, watch comedy programmes that you both enjoy, or albums of pictures of your marriage, or children when they were young, etc.
• Note what your partner wants from life. And try to arrange it. Your partner always tells you what he or she likes or wants in life, usually in passing comments. Note them down. Learn to love what your partner likes and arrange for your partner to enjoy some of those things. Give them as treats, give them without hesitation. Enjoy them together.

 CONCLUSION 

New or old relationships need care.  Prevention is better than cure. So, cultivate a friendly and lovely environment where your relationship thrives. Think and take action. You must be an action-oriented person. However, if you feel stuck on the way, and you feel you need counselling, do not hesitate to contact us.